Shards of Sunlight
by mudpuddledemon
Summary: Bella clinging to Jacob in the darkness of New Moon. Broken pieces of sunlight. How do you go on?
1. Chapter 1

"Shh, shhh. You're ok, I got you, it's ok." over and over as his hands moved up and down her back, his face buried in her hair, quit words whispering across her ears. Jake just sat down where he was, pulling her down with him onto his lap, holding her tight, hands never stopping, whispers never stopping.

Her fingers scrabbled against his back, in his shirt, desperately trying to get a hold, a hold on something. Anything to keep her from losing it completely, from slipping off the edge, into the darkness. Although, how much worse could it really get? She didn't let herself even complete the thought. She knew, over and over again, that thought led to unpleasant surprises. It could always get worse.

Not, not, not thinking about that. Think about here, now, Jake. Jake. Warm. Safe. Sun.

She shuddered out one last gasping shaking sob and buried her head into the soft skin of his neck, breathing deeply, and rubbing her tears away.

"Hmmm, Jake…" her hands quieting, sliding instead of scrabbling, holding instead of clutching. Appreciation felt so much better than raw desperation. She needed him, and sometimes it frustrated her, infuriated her, but even if she resented the need, she always wanted him. Treasured his company. Her Jake. He always helped her put things back together when they fell to pieces.

She hummed in contentment, exhausted from her tears, and blissfully, peacefully empty, at least for this brief moment, letting herself relax against him.

"C'mon sleeping beauty, let's find somewhere a little more comfortable than the garage floor for naptime." She could hear the smirk, feel the twinkle in his eyes as the mood lightened.

She curled one lazy arm around his neck as he shifted his hold on her and stood up, walking them inside the house, into his room, and finally flopping down onto his bed. He wrangled a pillow under his head as she wiggled into his side snagging a corner of the blanket.

She drifted off to sleep as he let out a rumble of quiet contentment and hummed tunelessly, still stroking her back and smiling. Always smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

He carried her.

She fell, and he carried her. She hurt, and he carried her. She was tired, and he picked her up with his strong hands, and he carried her.

She had a hole in her chest, a barren, dark hole. No place for a heart. Especially a sad, weeping, broken little heart.

So he held it in his hands.

He was so good at fixing. Putting back together. Keeping secrets. Making safe.

And maybe, while he held that heart, it grew to love him. Just a little. As much as a sad, broken little heart could.

* * *

I couldn't help it, I'm a poet at heart. Which is why things usually sound good in my stories, but are too short, and aren't quite right. An ongoing challenge. But three will be a real chapter, like one, and it's plotted. love-love


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh Jake, I don't know..."

It's a bonfire night, and he pleaded, and she hesitated, and eventually he dragged, and now she's here but it's- big? crowded? Not really. La Push doesn't have enough residents to crowd much of anything..

Just overwhelming.

And she's so raw and soft. No shell. So many voices. So many faces.

He tucks her closer under his arm. A borrowed shell. Not so very loud now.

"Don't worry Bells. It's good to get out. I'll be here the whole time."

* * *

He's so proud. He knows she's scared. He can feel her shake. But she's doing so well. Peeking out from against his chest. Nodding and talking a little with people. His dad even got a smile. He'd be jealous if he wasn't already holding the majority share these days.

Everyone's gathering up for the stories after dinner. They've got a great spot, right in the front, but it's getting a little close now and Bella's breath is speeding up. The girl next to her yells to a friend suddenly and she lets out a panicked squeak. She's been doing so well, he'll leave now if she needs to. Is happy to. Spreads his arms in order to start getting up-

But then she's there, scrabbling into his lap, accepting the invitation of his open arms, hiding herself against him. She's so small, all balled up, curled in. His arms curve around her, his head dips low, and they're alone, together. He's surprised. Still suprised. Every time suprised by the gift of her touch. Surpised this time that it's in front of everyone. His hand comes up to cradle the back of her head. His lips brush her hair. Maybe she'll sleep. He doesn't think she does at home anymore. Just naps with him most afternoons. It shows in the bruises under her eyes, the way she drifts. He thinks she needs the sleep way more than the stories, so he hums a little, rocks a little as her breathing evens out. Until she's boneless in his arms. Warm. With a little smile curling at her lips. He sends a prayer for good dreams before trying to catch up to the thread of the story.

Coming back to the world he sees the eyes watching him. Watching them. Curious, jealous, sad, amused. Jared gives him a thumbs up, and Paul makes an obscene gesture. He shakes his head, and glares, respectively.

Maybe Bella can come back to his house afterward. Get a whole night sleep. And they can work on the bikes first thing. He aks Billy when the crowd breaks up, and Billy convinces Charlie. He gives him an odd look when he sees him heading into his room with Bella, still cradled in his arms, still sleeping. But he doesn't stop him. And now Bella's in his bed, and she's not curled up so tight. She's safe here. She knows it even in her sleep. She's safe anywhere with him. He stays up half the night just watching her not be sad.


End file.
